A few weeks ago, I arrived at my family's house just in time for a friendly local winter storm. Now by almost anyone's measure, it was admittedly a small and tame storm: three or four inches of snow, with almost no ice. Of course all the meteorological soothsaying in the world will do no good when you need to pull out of a driveway shaped like a skating ramp that opens up to a state highway.
Well, the afternoon after the snowfall, I had to get out of the house. Not because I had cabin fever or anything, but because I had to drive a little over a mile to get to where my laptop could pick up a free, public WiFi signal. Apparently internet access is just too great of a luxury to have at home.
I brushed off my car, started it to warm up the engine, and when it was ready, I grabbed my computer and jumped in. Usually getting up the relatively short driveway is no problem, but just a week prior, my mother broke a sideview mirror off her car when she hit black ice on the way up and the car slid back down and hit a fencepost on the way. Needless to say, I felt the need to be a bit more cautious than usual.
The car performed admirably, and I did not break anything off of it by being too close to the fence. In fact, the car did not even momentarily slip on the melted snow which was quickly refreezing as ice. At that moment though, I had a revelation.
I was summiting the crest of the hill, passing the slippery part and quickly approaching the open road, when I realized that I was ferociously biting my lower lip. My teeth were clenched in an apprehensive and anxious fashion, while my lip was pinned down and to the side. At that moment, cresting the hill with a firm clench of my lower lip, I discovered an alternative explanation for the origin of the White Man Overbite.
For those who do not know, the White Man Overbite is a phenomenon in which one bites his own lower lip, usually out of excitement, but often also out of fear or apprehension. It is most often observed when a white man is operating a motor vehicle and his favorite song comes on the radio, which itself usually contains a stellar guitar riff.
Because of the Overbite's usual association with rock music, I had always assumed that it was no more than a visceral reaction to face-melting electric guitar, and I analyzed it no further. While this still may be true, my experience summiting the icy driveway gave me an alternative explanation for the origin of this great phenomenon.
In reality, the White Man Overbite may be traceable to the white dudes of yore, who often needed to summit slippery slopes in vehicles in which they had little confidence. Today, that would be an old car (as was the case for me). Before that, however, it may have been a horseless carriage or streetcar, and before that, a horse and either a carriage or sleigh. Sitting in my old car, I could imagine a man in a much older mode of transportation facing a similar or even greater challenge, and overbiting in the exact same way. While my experience in the car happened in 2013, comparable experiences may have been had centuries before the dawn of rock music, making the Icy Hill Overbite much older than the now-famous This-Is-My-Song! Overbite.
Perhaps we will never know the true origin of the White Man Overbite. Was it first created by old man braving a treacherous mountain pass with horse and carriage? Or was it first sported by a dude losing his mind hearing the last two minutes and twenty-five seconds of Stairway to Heaven? The world may never know for sure. What I do know, however, is that that trusty little overbite helped me out of the driveway that fateful day, and for that I am eternally grateful.
Showing posts with label society. Show all posts
Showing posts with label society. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Sanders vs. Media Consolidation
For those who do not know, the FCC is considering loosening its already loose regulations to allow large corporations to own even more tv, radio, and print outlets in each individual media market.
You know it! The same people who would not let you say "fuck" on the air are considering allowing Rupert Murdoch or some other unsavory individuals to buy your town's newspaper, cable providers, tv stations, and radio stations.
Think there will be much diversity of opinion when that happens? Think your cable tv and broadband rates will stay affordable when there is no more competition in the market? Doubtful.
Senator Bernie Sanders (I-VT) has this new op-ed piece in Politico beseeching the FCC to change their collective mind regarding the proposed rule change. It is certainly worth a read and it is very brief.
If after reading it you feel compelled to voice your opposition to having Rupert Murdoch's wrinkly ass covering your media market, you can also sign the good Senator's petition here. I know, I know. Petitions. But seriously, Bernie is the one man on Capitol Hill who well, let's be blunt, gives a damn. I guess what I'm saying is, it's worth it.
You know it! The same people who would not let you say "fuck" on the air are considering allowing Rupert Murdoch or some other unsavory individuals to buy your town's newspaper, cable providers, tv stations, and radio stations.
Think there will be much diversity of opinion when that happens? Think your cable tv and broadband rates will stay affordable when there is no more competition in the market? Doubtful.
Senator Bernie Sanders (I-VT) has this new op-ed piece in Politico beseeching the FCC to change their collective mind regarding the proposed rule change. It is certainly worth a read and it is very brief.
If after reading it you feel compelled to voice your opposition to having Rupert Murdoch's wrinkly ass covering your media market, you can also sign the good Senator's petition here. I know, I know. Petitions. But seriously, Bernie is the one man on Capitol Hill who well, let's be blunt, gives a damn. I guess what I'm saying is, it's worth it.
Word of the Day
Today's Word of the Day is:
Work Hangover (n.)
A near-hangover-like state induced not by alcohol, but by large or even excessive amounts of work.
Ex: Holy crap I've been working on this project for weeks and this morning I woke up feeling like I partied all last night. I can't remember the last time I went out. Must be a work hangover.
Work Hangover (n.)
A near-hangover-like state induced not by alcohol, but by large or even excessive amounts of work.
Ex: Holy crap I've been working on this project for weeks and this morning I woke up feeling like I partied all last night. I can't remember the last time I went out. Must be a work hangover.
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
A Note on beer
There is a certain rule when it comes to beer that I feel absolutely obligated to pass along to my fellow human beings. It is generally stated as follows:
Any and all beer worth drinking comes from a country or region that experiences a substantial portion of the year under snow, ice, and/or rain.
In other words, for a beer to be good, it needs to come from a place that has a winter. It need not be a harsh, arctic winter; it can even be a mild, dark, rainy winter such as is common in London or Brussels. Stated conversely, the rule provides that no beer worth drinking can come from a place that does not endure any form of winter.
Now I would assume that there are people who would vehemently disagree. They have the right, but they would be wrong. Consider the following:
New England:
I rest my case.
Now I know that Stone is located in San Diego - not exactly a place known for harsh weather. However, for every rule there must be an exception. Remember, though, this is the exception, not the rule.
Please comment.
Any and all beer worth drinking comes from a country or region that experiences a substantial portion of the year under snow, ice, and/or rain.
In other words, for a beer to be good, it needs to come from a place that has a winter. It need not be a harsh, arctic winter; it can even be a mild, dark, rainy winter such as is common in London or Brussels. Stated conversely, the rule provides that no beer worth drinking can come from a place that does not endure any form of winter.
Now I would assume that there are people who would vehemently disagree. They have the right, but they would be wrong. Consider the following:
New England:
- Sam Adams
- Long Trail
- Berkshire Brewing Co
- Harpoon
- Smuttynose
- etc.
- Trois Pistoles
- La Fin du Monde
- Maudite
- Come on. It's the homeland.
- Corona
I rest my case.
Now I know that Stone is located in San Diego - not exactly a place known for harsh weather. However, for every rule there must be an exception. Remember, though, this is the exception, not the rule.
Please comment.
Monday, December 17, 2012
The Liberal Lumberjack on interpersonal conflict
Every time the potential for interpersonal conflict rears its ugly head, remember this:
Scientists have shown that humans share 98% of their genetic code with chimpanzees. After our beloved chimp cousins, gorillas are our next closest non-extinct relative, though they do not reach the chimpanzee's lofty 98% similarity. After that, our relatives continue downward in similarity through the primate gene pool: monkeys, baboons, pygmy marmosets - you get the idea.
This means that what makes us human - that is, uniquely human - is that remaining 2%. Two percent!! While we are 2% unique, we are still 98% ape!
So when the potential for conflict does arise, here is the real-life scenario buried under the surface:
The other person, whether friend or foe, family or complete stranger, has a internal conflict raging inside of them: 98% chimp versus 2% enlightened being. This means that NINETY-EIGHT PERCENT of that person wants to beat his or her chest and trow his or her hot, sticky, smelly feces at you and otherwise go King Kong all over your ass, while only TWO PERCENT wants to settle it like "civilized people".
98%: Beat chest and throw feces
2%: Talk it out
Like your odds? Neither do I. Always think about this before resorting to any form of conflict.
Scientists have shown that humans share 98% of their genetic code with chimpanzees. After our beloved chimp cousins, gorillas are our next closest non-extinct relative, though they do not reach the chimpanzee's lofty 98% similarity. After that, our relatives continue downward in similarity through the primate gene pool: monkeys, baboons, pygmy marmosets - you get the idea.
This means that what makes us human - that is, uniquely human - is that remaining 2%. Two percent!! While we are 2% unique, we are still 98% ape!
So when the potential for conflict does arise, here is the real-life scenario buried under the surface:
The other person, whether friend or foe, family or complete stranger, has a internal conflict raging inside of them: 98% chimp versus 2% enlightened being. This means that NINETY-EIGHT PERCENT of that person wants to beat his or her chest and trow his or her hot, sticky, smelly feces at you and otherwise go King Kong all over your ass, while only TWO PERCENT wants to settle it like "civilized people".
98%: Beat chest and throw feces
2%: Talk it out
Like your odds? Neither do I. Always think about this before resorting to any form of conflict.
Friday, December 14, 2012
PLEASE READ: A Note on New England and accents
This post is important for all those of you who are not New Englanders, and especially for my friends originating from the other side of the Mason-Dixon Line. I have tried many, many times over to explain to you the differences between Boston and other places in Massachusetts and New England, now I will use a map to aid in my explanation.
The so-called Boston accent, which many know from nothing more first-hand than "Family Guy" or "The Departed", is not limited to Boston, nor does it cover all of New England. In fact, it often has more in common with the various accents of Metro New York than it does with the rest of its own region.
Boston Accent: Origins
The Boston accent, as well as the various accents of New York City, are nothing organic or original. They did not form from successive waves of immigration, nor did they evolve from centuries of isolation from England. In fact, it is quite the opposite.
The Boston and New York accents in fact come from a 19th Century effort on behalf of the upper crust of those cities to sound more English. It was a trend during Queen Victoria's reign known as "Anglomania". French girls wore English curls in their hair, German men wore English attire, American townspeople built Victorian mansions and cottages, and people in Boston and New York attempted to keep up with the Joneses across the Pond by modifying their own manner of speaking. The terrible accents which we are left hearing today are a result of the rest of the cities' populations following suit and imitating their local millionaires (who of course themselves were no more than imitating others thousands of miles away).
Boston Accent: Boundaries
The present-day boundaries of the Boston accent have spread dramatically, fueled in large part by longer commutes within Boston's own tri-state (now virtually quad-state) metro area. Many a present-day Bostonian will also tell you that that irritating accent comes in from the areas surrounding Boston more than from within the city. This is also largely true, as the people who once filled the city proper (many of them Irish) have since become suburbanized.
The really harsh, unique Boston accent then covers the metro Boston area. However, the accent - and less pronounced variants thereof - also covers the North Shore and South Shore of Massachusetts; Worcester, MA; Rhode Island, and areas of Southern New Hampshire and Maine where I-93 and I-95 bring commuters back and forth from work in Boston. This linguistic sphere of influence roughly covers the area within the red line. Worcester, which is on the outer limits of said sphere, is said by some to be the worst offender, with the local edition of the "Boston" accent actually sounding like a made-up exaggeration of the real thing. Someone who lives within one of these localities may be able to tell the differences from one area to the next. I personally think every accent within the red line sounds virtually the same as the next, with varying degrees of separation from standard American English.
Outside of Boston
Now here when I write Boston, I mean everything within the red line. I mean honestly, it is the same local culture, the same Boston-centric economy, and the same grouping of accents.
New England outside of Boston would be everything outside the red line, including Western Massachusetts, Vermont, Connecticut, most of New Hampshire, and most of Maine.
If anyone from outside New England were to go to Western Massachusetts, the only way they would know they were even in Massachusetts would be the iconic white signs posted on each road as one enters and leaves a town. It lies between Connecticut and Vermont, and borders upstate New York, is in some places over 100 miles from the Atlantic, and contains only about 1/10 of the state's population. They may be mostly Sox fans, but you will not hear any talk about "wicked pissahs" unless you are on the state university's campus, and the one doing the talking is some suburban kid from the Boston area.
Western Mass, Vermont, and to a large extent New Hampshire, are all rural places that have had mutli-generational movements of people to and from large cities. The populations are highly transient, and as a result, there is little to no remaining regional accent in most localities within these places.
The Pioneer Valley of Western Mass is a hub of higher education, while the famed Berkshires region is known for vacationing New Yorkers and reclusive artists. New Hampshire has a southeastern region which is essentially a Boston suburb, while the rest of the state remains largely rural. Vermont is very rural, with only a few large towns or small cities. Between the 1960s and now, both New Hampshire and Vermont have been havens for urban refugees, often with a split along ideological lines. More conservative migrants have settled in New Hampshire, while more liberal and progressive individuals moved to Vermont.
While all of these places did have scores of Yankee farmers with their own rural New England accents (my late great-grandfather comes to mind), decades of children moving to the cities and urban refugees moving in have greatly standardized the accents of these areas of New England.
Connecticut really blends into the background here, with most residents possessing a vaguely northeastern manner of speaking. Of course, this changes slightly where the Hartford area hits the Springfield, MA area along I-91 (see yellow area on map). Here, on both sides of the state line (especially in and around Springfield, MA) long-time residents have a strikingly and inexplicably Upper Midwestern accent. Seriously. Do not ask me why. It sounds like a massive number of people from Michigan and Chicago just moved into this one particular area. Don't believe me? Go on YouTube and look up a clip of Congressman Peter Welch speaking. Though a long-time resident of Vermont and its current man in the House, he still retains his accent from his childhood in West Springfield.
Maine - well, the Maine accent could take up a whole book by itself. The southern corner of the state is largely filled with people who commute to Boston and former Massachusetts residents who have built beach houses on the shore there. From there north, you move into Downeast Maine, which is also a tourist area. Maine is known for words like "ayuh" for yes, and is probably the best image one could have in mind for a coastal Yankee. As far as the accents go, look at it this way: the state goes from one side being a 20-minute drive from Eastern Mass the other protruding into Atlantic Canada. Ayuh indeed.
Well, this has been a crash course in New England accents and it should provide a good background to readers for any future region-specific rants. While any one of the areas mentioned merits a book of its own, I wanted to give a brief overview of them all to illustrate one very important point:
We do not all say "wicked pissah", "swayuhtuhgawd", or "fuckin' A"! Even if you are from Massachusetts, born and raised, it is quite possible to be minutes from Albany, and well over 100 miles from Boston. So please, the next time you meet some one from New England, and especially if that person is from Massachusetts, please do not ask them about things "back" in Boston!
Now, with all of that said, I look forward to all of your thoughts, especially the disagreements and commentary from my fellow New Englanders who have taken the time to read this. Bring on the critics!
The so-called Boston accent, which many know from nothing more first-hand than "Family Guy" or "The Departed", is not limited to Boston, nor does it cover all of New England. In fact, it often has more in common with the various accents of Metro New York than it does with the rest of its own region.
Boston Accent: Origins
The Boston accent, as well as the various accents of New York City, are nothing organic or original. They did not form from successive waves of immigration, nor did they evolve from centuries of isolation from England. In fact, it is quite the opposite.
The Boston and New York accents in fact come from a 19th Century effort on behalf of the upper crust of those cities to sound more English. It was a trend during Queen Victoria's reign known as "Anglomania". French girls wore English curls in their hair, German men wore English attire, American townspeople built Victorian mansions and cottages, and people in Boston and New York attempted to keep up with the Joneses across the Pond by modifying their own manner of speaking. The terrible accents which we are left hearing today are a result of the rest of the cities' populations following suit and imitating their local millionaires (who of course themselves were no more than imitating others thousands of miles away).
The present-day boundaries of the Boston accent have spread dramatically, fueled in large part by longer commutes within Boston's own tri-state (now virtually quad-state) metro area. Many a present-day Bostonian will also tell you that that irritating accent comes in from the areas surrounding Boston more than from within the city. This is also largely true, as the people who once filled the city proper (many of them Irish) have since become suburbanized.
The really harsh, unique Boston accent then covers the metro Boston area. However, the accent - and less pronounced variants thereof - also covers the North Shore and South Shore of Massachusetts; Worcester, MA; Rhode Island, and areas of Southern New Hampshire and Maine where I-93 and I-95 bring commuters back and forth from work in Boston. This linguistic sphere of influence roughly covers the area within the red line. Worcester, which is on the outer limits of said sphere, is said by some to be the worst offender, with the local edition of the "Boston" accent actually sounding like a made-up exaggeration of the real thing. Someone who lives within one of these localities may be able to tell the differences from one area to the next. I personally think every accent within the red line sounds virtually the same as the next, with varying degrees of separation from standard American English.
Outside of Boston
Now here when I write Boston, I mean everything within the red line. I mean honestly, it is the same local culture, the same Boston-centric economy, and the same grouping of accents.
New England outside of Boston would be everything outside the red line, including Western Massachusetts, Vermont, Connecticut, most of New Hampshire, and most of Maine.
If anyone from outside New England were to go to Western Massachusetts, the only way they would know they were even in Massachusetts would be the iconic white signs posted on each road as one enters and leaves a town. It lies between Connecticut and Vermont, and borders upstate New York, is in some places over 100 miles from the Atlantic, and contains only about 1/10 of the state's population. They may be mostly Sox fans, but you will not hear any talk about "wicked pissahs" unless you are on the state university's campus, and the one doing the talking is some suburban kid from the Boston area.
 |
| This is Massachusetts - Conway, Massachusetts |
The Pioneer Valley of Western Mass is a hub of higher education, while the famed Berkshires region is known for vacationing New Yorkers and reclusive artists. New Hampshire has a southeastern region which is essentially a Boston suburb, while the rest of the state remains largely rural. Vermont is very rural, with only a few large towns or small cities. Between the 1960s and now, both New Hampshire and Vermont have been havens for urban refugees, often with a split along ideological lines. More conservative migrants have settled in New Hampshire, while more liberal and progressive individuals moved to Vermont.
While all of these places did have scores of Yankee farmers with their own rural New England accents (my late great-grandfather comes to mind), decades of children moving to the cities and urban refugees moving in have greatly standardized the accents of these areas of New England.
Connecticut really blends into the background here, with most residents possessing a vaguely northeastern manner of speaking. Of course, this changes slightly where the Hartford area hits the Springfield, MA area along I-91 (see yellow area on map). Here, on both sides of the state line (especially in and around Springfield, MA) long-time residents have a strikingly and inexplicably Upper Midwestern accent. Seriously. Do not ask me why. It sounds like a massive number of people from Michigan and Chicago just moved into this one particular area. Don't believe me? Go on YouTube and look up a clip of Congressman Peter Welch speaking. Though a long-time resident of Vermont and its current man in the House, he still retains his accent from his childhood in West Springfield.
Maine - well, the Maine accent could take up a whole book by itself. The southern corner of the state is largely filled with people who commute to Boston and former Massachusetts residents who have built beach houses on the shore there. From there north, you move into Downeast Maine, which is also a tourist area. Maine is known for words like "ayuh" for yes, and is probably the best image one could have in mind for a coastal Yankee. As far as the accents go, look at it this way: the state goes from one side being a 20-minute drive from Eastern Mass the other protruding into Atlantic Canada. Ayuh indeed.
Well, this has been a crash course in New England accents and it should provide a good background to readers for any future region-specific rants. While any one of the areas mentioned merits a book of its own, I wanted to give a brief overview of them all to illustrate one very important point:
WE ARE NOT ALL FROM BOSTON!
We do not all say "wicked pissah", "swayuhtuhgawd", or "fuckin' A"! Even if you are from Massachusetts, born and raised, it is quite possible to be minutes from Albany, and well over 100 miles from Boston. So please, the next time you meet some one from New England, and especially if that person is from Massachusetts, please do not ask them about things "back" in Boston!
Now, with all of that said, I look forward to all of your thoughts, especially the disagreements and commentary from my fellow New Englanders who have taken the time to read this. Bring on the critics!
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Time to reflect on some things
So these are the two ads that are up right now on the right hand column of my facebook page:
That's right! Get your girl's tits done as a Christmas present and then go gamble the rest of your cash away on slots. You really just cannot make some of this stuff up.
If you ever are in a conversation with some one who does not think that we, as a society, need to stop and seriously reconsider where we are right now, just remember what I got for "targeted" ads on my facebook profile.
Back to work...
If you ever are in a conversation with some one who does not think that we, as a society, need to stop and seriously reconsider where we are right now, just remember what I got for "targeted" ads on my facebook profile.
Back to work...
Monday, December 10, 2012
(Belated) Inaugural Post
Despite already being seven or eight posts in, here it is: the belated inaugural (somewhat) post. And though you can already see a bit of where I am going with this whole thing in prior posts, I still want to use this one to write about my reasons for starting the blog and the back story behind its title and theme.
I have a love-hate relationship with stereotypes in this country, and the same goes for the underlying culture wars from which many of them emanate. I love the endless jokes, sitcoms, stand-up routines, and movies that culture-war based stereotypes have inspired over the years, but I abhor the negative impact on our nation's policies, both foreign and domestic. While goofy stereotypes and the tectonic movements in the underlying culture wars may make for good laughs, I cannot help but wonder whether the harm they inflict upon our nation's politics outweighs the good humor which they engender.
I have a similar love-hate relationship with the way I am viewed by other people in this pervasive atmosphere of stereotyping and pigeon-holing. People who first meet me by running into me on the street may believe I am surly, quiet, or even conservative because I am a square-built, 200+ lb white man often dressed (you guessed it!) like a lumberjack. Still other people who meet me at work, in a seminar, or in a discussion may think I am just the opposite because I am gregarious, somewhat loud, and unabashedly progressive. Of course neither one of these assessments would be complete or accurate on their own, and they are clearly demonstrative of the beholder's prejudices, not of any characteristics of my own. I do not in any way feel victimized or seriously harmed by this; I think it has become outright hilarious.
The fact is, however, that these two issues intersect and are indeed, inseparable. Because of the culture wars and their contrived stereotypes, people view me - and you, your family, and all of your friends - through a blurred and skewed lens. But you know what feels great?! Totally bursting stereotype bubbles. This is what I intend to do everyday on this blog.
First, I need to set the record straight. I am a 200+ lb white man often seen in a big plaid shirt. I am very liberal/progressive. But of course the story does not end there.
I may vote blue, but you will not catch me dead eating fucking tofu. Healthy?! Please. It is reconstituted soybean protein product mechanically formed via an industrial process in a factory setting. Natural foods indeed! Me, I love nothing more than savoring applewood smoked bacon or grilling my own blood-red beef steak over an open flame while drinking a beer, regardless of temperature, rain or shine. That's the way to live. And I will not apologize for taking cracks at vegetarians or saying that wheat grass and tofu are for hippies. Come on!
I could go on and on. I drive a diesel car, and I think Priuses whine at the same pitch as a lobster when you throw him live into a boiling pot of water. I wear jeans, but they will never be "skinny". I split my own firewood and spent a good deal of my childhood going fishing with my friends and raising sheep. And I do not indulge in the jeans, the plaid, the beers, or anything else "ironically". I would take the woods over Times Square any day of the week, and I would rather brave a snowstorm on a rural road once in a while than spend every day commuting through traffic. I am cultured and somewhat well traveled, but I still prefer country to city. Still, you won't ever see me voting Republican or otherwise basing my world view on my habits, my pastimes, or my personal appearance. That is for idiots.
You see, this is where the fun comes in, and this is where the blog will be going. Though this cultural background against which we are all set may pigeon-hole us as has been done to me (and I am sure you as well, perhaps with far more dire consequences), there is a great opportunity here for comedy, insight, and incisive writing. Some of it may not be PG-13, some of it may be outright rude, but it should be equal parts humorous and thought-provoking. Though I can make no guarantees here, I will do my best to derive humor from profound insight and prolonged reflection, rather than just take the easy cheap shots. Again, no promises. Really. None whatsoever.
In closing, I hope you come back often to read what goes up here. In future, posts should not always be this lengthly, though sometimes a topic will demand it. There will be a mix of culture, politics, policy, high-brow humor, and outright rude jokes. Variety is what will make it all worth a return visit, right? Anyway, thanks for reading this whole introduction, and I hope you'll come back in future.
I have a love-hate relationship with stereotypes in this country, and the same goes for the underlying culture wars from which many of them emanate. I love the endless jokes, sitcoms, stand-up routines, and movies that culture-war based stereotypes have inspired over the years, but I abhor the negative impact on our nation's policies, both foreign and domestic. While goofy stereotypes and the tectonic movements in the underlying culture wars may make for good laughs, I cannot help but wonder whether the harm they inflict upon our nation's politics outweighs the good humor which they engender.
I have a similar love-hate relationship with the way I am viewed by other people in this pervasive atmosphere of stereotyping and pigeon-holing. People who first meet me by running into me on the street may believe I am surly, quiet, or even conservative because I am a square-built, 200+ lb white man often dressed (you guessed it!) like a lumberjack. Still other people who meet me at work, in a seminar, or in a discussion may think I am just the opposite because I am gregarious, somewhat loud, and unabashedly progressive. Of course neither one of these assessments would be complete or accurate on their own, and they are clearly demonstrative of the beholder's prejudices, not of any characteristics of my own. I do not in any way feel victimized or seriously harmed by this; I think it has become outright hilarious.
The fact is, however, that these two issues intersect and are indeed, inseparable. Because of the culture wars and their contrived stereotypes, people view me - and you, your family, and all of your friends - through a blurred and skewed lens. But you know what feels great?! Totally bursting stereotype bubbles. This is what I intend to do everyday on this blog.
First, I need to set the record straight. I am a 200+ lb white man often seen in a big plaid shirt. I am very liberal/progressive. But of course the story does not end there.
I may vote blue, but you will not catch me dead eating fucking tofu. Healthy?! Please. It is reconstituted soybean protein product mechanically formed via an industrial process in a factory setting. Natural foods indeed! Me, I love nothing more than savoring applewood smoked bacon or grilling my own blood-red beef steak over an open flame while drinking a beer, regardless of temperature, rain or shine. That's the way to live. And I will not apologize for taking cracks at vegetarians or saying that wheat grass and tofu are for hippies. Come on!
I could go on and on. I drive a diesel car, and I think Priuses whine at the same pitch as a lobster when you throw him live into a boiling pot of water. I wear jeans, but they will never be "skinny". I split my own firewood and spent a good deal of my childhood going fishing with my friends and raising sheep. And I do not indulge in the jeans, the plaid, the beers, or anything else "ironically". I would take the woods over Times Square any day of the week, and I would rather brave a snowstorm on a rural road once in a while than spend every day commuting through traffic. I am cultured and somewhat well traveled, but I still prefer country to city. Still, you won't ever see me voting Republican or otherwise basing my world view on my habits, my pastimes, or my personal appearance. That is for idiots.
You see, this is where the fun comes in, and this is where the blog will be going. Though this cultural background against which we are all set may pigeon-hole us as has been done to me (and I am sure you as well, perhaps with far more dire consequences), there is a great opportunity here for comedy, insight, and incisive writing. Some of it may not be PG-13, some of it may be outright rude, but it should be equal parts humorous and thought-provoking. Though I can make no guarantees here, I will do my best to derive humor from profound insight and prolonged reflection, rather than just take the easy cheap shots. Again, no promises. Really. None whatsoever.
In closing, I hope you come back often to read what goes up here. In future, posts should not always be this lengthly, though sometimes a topic will demand it. There will be a mix of culture, politics, policy, high-brow humor, and outright rude jokes. Variety is what will make it all worth a return visit, right? Anyway, thanks for reading this whole introduction, and I hope you'll come back in future.
Oxymoron Alert
While running through a 150+ page "outline" of Criminal Law (that's a book!), I arrived at the following section heading:
"1440: INNOCENT HOMICIDE"
That's right. "Innocent homicide". Let that one rattle around in your brain for a minute. I think this might find its place in the same logical grouping as "scentless farting", "dry squirts", and "flaccid erection".
"1440: INNOCENT HOMICIDE"
That's right. "Innocent homicide". Let that one rattle around in your brain for a minute. I think this might find its place in the same logical grouping as "scentless farting", "dry squirts", and "flaccid erection".
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