On the origin of the White Man Overbite

A few weeks ago, I arrived at my family's house just in time for a friendly local winter storm.  Now by almost anyone's measure, it was admittedly a small and tame storm: three or four inches of snow, with almost no ice.  Of course all the meteorological soothsaying in the world will do no good when you need to pull out of a driveway shaped like a skating ramp that opens up to a state highway.

Well, the afternoon after the snowfall, I had to get out of the house.  Not because I had cabin fever or anything, but because I had to drive a little over a mile to get to where my laptop could pick up a free, public WiFi signal.  Apparently internet access is just too great of a luxury to have at home.

I brushed off my car, started it to warm up the engine, and when it was ready, I grabbed my computer and jumped in.  Usually getting up the relatively short driveway is no problem, but just a week prior, my mother broke a sideview mirror off her car when she hit black ice on the way up and the car slid back down and hit a fencepost on the way.  Needless to say, I felt the need to be a bit more cautious than usual.

The car performed admirably, and I did not break anything off of it by being too close to the fence.  In fact, the car did not even momentarily slip on the melted snow which was quickly refreezing as ice.  At that moment though, I had a revelation.

I was summiting the crest of the hill, passing the slippery part and quickly approaching the open road, when I realized that I was ferociously biting my lower lip.  My teeth were clenched in an apprehensive and anxious fashion, while my lip was pinned down and to the side.  At that moment, cresting the hill with a firm clench of my lower lip, I discovered an alternative explanation for the origin of the White Man Overbite.

For those who do not know, the White Man Overbite is a phenomenon in which one bites his own lower lip, usually out of excitement, but often also out of fear or apprehension.  It is most often observed when a white man is operating a motor vehicle and his favorite song comes on the radio, which itself usually contains a stellar guitar riff. 

Because of the Overbite's usual association with rock music, I had always assumed that it was no more than a visceral reaction to face-melting electric guitar, and I analyzed it no further.  While this still may be true, my experience summiting the icy driveway gave me an alternative explanation for the origin of this great phenomenon. 

In reality, the White Man Overbite may be traceable to the white dudes of yore, who often needed to summit slippery slopes in vehicles in which they had little confidence.  Today, that would be an old car (as was the case for me). Before that, however, it may have been a horseless carriage or streetcar, and before that, a horse and either a carriage or sleigh.  Sitting in my old car, I could imagine a man in a much older mode of transportation facing a similar or even greater challenge, and overbiting in the exact same way.  While my experience in the car happened in 2013, comparable experiences may have been had centuries before the dawn of rock music, making the Icy Hill Overbite much older than the now-famous This-Is-My-Song! Overbite.

Perhaps we will never know the true origin of the White Man Overbite.  Was it first created by old man braving a treacherous mountain pass with horse and carriage?  Or was it first sported by a dude losing his mind hearing the last two minutes and twenty-five seconds of Stairway to Heaven?  The world may never know for sure.  What I do know, however, is that that trusty little overbite helped me out of the driveway that fateful day, and for that I am eternally grateful.

Word of the Day

Today's Word of the Day is:

East Coast Elite (n.)

Anyone who graduated high school

Man's best friend and wildlife's worst enemy

Well, the question is settled.  Dogs are still Man's best friend, and cats - well the BBC has the scoop on that.  Apparently, cats are the most devastating affliction in the United States. 

Ahhh, vindication. 

Left: Man's best friend.  Right: Guardian of the underworld

More from the BBC here.

Word of the Day

Today's Word of the Day is:

Trustafarian (n.)

One who has the luxury of living a carefree life, working at an easy job without benefits, and dressing like it's 1991 thanks to the reservoir of cash left by a parent who sold his or her soul working all his or her life as a doctor, lawyer, or other professional in order to provide for his or her offspring


Ex:
I wish I could just work at a bookstore and wear a poncho all day like Bob.  He's never stressed out.
You know he doesn't just work there, right?  He owns the place, and owns his own house.
What?! How?!
He's a serious trustafarian.

Word of the Day

Today's Word of the Day is:

Irish Support (n.)

The litany of sarcasm and jeering that follows otherwise normal words of support

Ex:
Why don't you take some time off?  You've been working too hard. 
*Takes time off*
Ohhh is somebody taking some time off?!  Is somebody tired?  Is somebody a tired baby?

A Little more winter in New England

Snapped this shot while out hiking with my dog in Western Massachusetts. By this point we had hiked about 3 miles from the house through the woods, then the trail let us out just about here. No matter what you do, your standards for life, beauty, and aesthetics will always be high - perhaps too high - when you grew up in a storybook.

Word of the Day

Today's word of the day is a special pet peeve of the Liberal Lumberjack:

"Business Community" (n.)

Friendlier-sounding code developed by PR execs to put a softer, more human facade on what would have been previously referred to as "business interests", "moneyed interests", or "corporate interests"

Ex: I can't stand hearing news reporters use the term "business community".  Right, as if anything going on in the news is going to have a negative impact on a poor little community of real people - whose members just happen to wear suits.

A note on men's fashion

This is known as a western plaid shirt.  Because of its two characteristic sideways/diagonal cut pockets with buttoned flaps, its typically slim cut, and because of its incredible popularity among underweight young men in the 1970s, it is not to be worn.






This is an appropriate men's plaid shirt, with one, normal cut pocket on the left hand side. 

You're welcome, America!

1,000 views this morning!

This morning, my fledgling little blog here hit its 1,000th unique view!  This has all been within a month since I first started it give or take.

Thanks to everyone for reading!  Its nice to know of few of you enjoy my rants and raves.  I hope that in the next 1,000 we'll see a lot more comments on the blog itself and shares on social media.

Thank you all again! 

Word of the Day

Today's Word of the Day is:

Contrarian (n.)

A person who craving attention assumes an opposing or controversial position solely for the attention it will afford him

Ex: Did you see that guy who said on national news he thinks women shouldn't be able to drive?!  Yeah, but please ignore him.  He's just a contrarian trying to drum up some attention so he can plug his new book. 

This is why Americans are angry

To the many, many people who do not follow politics - or who at least do not follow closely - this is the reason why so many Americans are angry at Washington today, be they conservative, liberal, or other. The Vice President of the United States, second in line to head the executive branch and duly elected to office, is sitting down with the NRA and Wal-Mart to discuss gun control.

So a very highly-positioned elected official has to meet with the non-elected members of a special interest group and a large, for-profit corporation before taking meaningful action to help the people of this country.  This same thing happened prior to the passage of the ACA ("Obamacare") when the President himself gave speaking time to the insurance industry - to make it all somehow seem "fair" or "bipartisan".  In both instances, it reeks of corruption and corporatism.

This is the sort of thing that makes people in the left and right wings start to sound alike.  Cries of "corporate rule!" "oligarchy!" and "corruption!" emanate from both sides of the ideological line.  And though I do still respect and support the President, and do still think the VP is, well, hilarious, moments like this make it very hard for me to refute the allegations made by conspiracy theorists of both wings.  At best, this is a demonstration of weakness in the face of corporate and special interest political pressure.  At worst, this truly is corporatism and corruption at full stop.

Original story from Politico here.

New England apparently not part of the United States

A friend of mine recently shared a story about the Republican Party's official website striking New England and its six states from the map of the United States on its "Republicans in Congress" contact page.  Fortunately, since that story was published and received over 2,000 comments, that Grand Ol' Party has put us back on the map.

The indecency.

This all smacks of the "real 'Merrkuh" versus "Northeast elites" nonsense we have all had to suffer, and I was hoping its boiling-over period would only consume the decade of the 2000's.  I guess not.

The 2000, 2004, and 2008 elections were all replete with politicians, television shows, commentators, and others pitting "real 'Murrkuh" against the "elites", "the East Coast", and and the "Northeast".  We are talking about election years, and they weren't even clever enough to use code or double speak!

I dealt with it in 2000, contributed to it personally on a local level for the Northeast side in 2004, and then grew simultaneously indignant and fatigued in 2008.  By then, it was already old news, and those claiming to be representatives of "real 'Merrkuh" had already reduced themselves to mere caricatures of themselves. 

I spent much of that election cycle and the time thereafter thinking to myself (and often saying aloud) who the hell is this woman from Alaska to proclaim herself a "real 'Murrkin" and declare us un-American?! 

If we are to take off the gloves, then let's have at it.

Alaska became a U.S. state just before my parents were born, which is to say, well within living memory.  I cannot delve into everything New England contributed to America in the 330 years before that date, but let's just do a brief re-cap for the state of my birth, Massachusetts: The Mayflower Compact, The Adams', The Kennedys, Lexington and Concord, - well, this could go on a while.  Secondly, and far more personally, here was a politician claiming to be a "real 'Murkin" who did not even know what happened at Lexington and Concord.  Disqualified!

The woman from Alaska was not alone.  In fact, she was in good company.  And if we are to be honest, it was the Bush family (no doubt with copious amounts of input from Rove & Co.) who, nearly a decade prior, ripped open the wounds of the Civil War and tore them westward across states not yet existent in 1861.  

Some Perspective: A Crude Timeline of American History

The simple fact of the matter is that the East Coast, and especially the Northeast, founded America.   This is not a political statement; it is historical fact.  The most succinct (and by far the most vulgar) appraisal of this can be found here, still online from the loss of 2004 (Warning: lots of F-bombs).

Now unlike the incendiary politicos who have stoked this fire, I am not writing this now to add fuel to the flames.  America, in its vast diversity of cities, peoples, climates, and geographies, cannot afford to be distilled to a monoculture.  There cannot forever be a dominant region or a capital and hinterland.  To continue down that road only breeds resentment, discontent, and a lack of national cohesion.

America is simply too vast, even in this modern era, to be reduced to a single feeling, sound, or flavor.  We are united by a shared philosophy and civic citizenship, not by a shared culture or way of life.

My America is one of hills, forests, colonial cemeteries and pre-Revolution farmhouses.  I have white Christmases, rainy springs, brightly-colored autumns and breezy, warm summers.  I have maple syrup, cheddar, and chowder, and I have a manner of speaking which some of my fellow Americans have informed me is exceedingly formal.

A Texan, Floridian, or Californian would find all of these elements of culture and climate foreign in their America.  Should any one of them spend a year in my life, they would often feel almost as homesick as if they had in fact crossed a border into another land.  The currency and television networks would all be the same, but the food, accents, and customs would all be quite different.

Whose America is more American?  I dare not say.  We cannot marginalize, nor can we homogenize any one of our states or regions.  To do so would not only cause further political polarization, but it would deprive us all of the unique constellation of regional cultures, cuisines, and accents that comprise this country.

And to the arms dealers and fuel suppliers of the culture wars, to the folks who still insist that somewhere south or west of here is the "real 'Murrkuh", I will close with this:

People in glass houses should not throw stones.

Word of the Day

Today's Word of the Day is:

Overload (n.)

The state of being in which one who has been studying, training, or working on a specific project or focus for so long he or she loses the capacity to think about only one thing at a time, and everything becomes the proverbial ball of wax.

Ex:  I have been through so many thousand pages it all looks the same.  I'm in overload. 

Bowie again at last!

For those who do not know, today, January 8, is David Bowie's birthday (less importantly, it is also Elvis').  What is even more surprising is that Bowie has just today released a new single for the first time in around a decade, with an album to follow.

After a health scare in 2004, Bowie stopped touring and making music.  And now that it is 2013, it really has been a decade since his last studio release, Reality.  I write this with sincere shock and amazement since I can remember exactly where and when I bought the CD nearly 10 years ago, in the fall of 2003.

The BBC has the story and excepts from the new music video here, as well as a fun piece, 66 facts about David Bowie for his 66th birthday.  Enjoy.

Small step forward for diversity on Capitol Hill

It truly is sad that this is even news.  It is now the year 2013, 1/5 of Americans no longer buy into organized religion, and the 113th Congress has ten (10!) members who do not claim any religious affiliation at all.

To put that into perspective, that means that for roughly 62,000,000 out of 309,000,000 people, there are 10 out of 535 people who may, vaguely, if at all, come close to representing their views on the Hill.

Regardless of personal views on religion or lack thereof, it truly is despicable that a fifth of the country cannot have adequate representation in Congress.  If such were the case for a sizeable religious minority in 2013 (and by this I mean individuals who would reply to a survey on religious affiliation with some sort of affirmative answer) the public outcry would be deafening. 

Charlie Mahtesian of Politico has a post regarding this on his blog.  He seems to see it as glass half-full: the 112th Congress only had 6 members who did not claim a religious affiliation.  Perhaps he is correct to do so.  I just hope that the process of diversifying Congress begins to accelerate as we move into the 21st Century.  More from Politico here.

Word of the Day

Today's Word of the Day is:

Pandemonium (n.)

The pre-apocalyptic state of utter chaos and turmoil which exists on the floor of a Trader Joe's in an upscale neighborhood on a Friday evening.

Ex: Did you see the pandemonium inside that store?!  It's like Hipsters Gone Wild!  Yeah, I'll wait until Monday when everyone is at work.

Word of the Day

Today's Word of the Day is:

Friday Night News Dump (n.)

(1.) The act of leaking scandalous or otherwise damning information by government officials to news outlets at a time when would-be readers are too busy running from the office to happy hour to catch the news.
(2.) The act of news sites filling their home pages with useless information only read by die-hard geeks while everyone else heads over to happy hour.

Ex: Go to washingtonpost.com or politico.com at 5-6pm today.  You'll see.

VIDEO: Of President Obama, Congress, and David Cross

This post is in honor of all the misinformed individuals in this vibrant Republic for whom the events of this past week are insufficient evidence that it is in fact Congress' fault - not President Obama's - that we cannot get anything meaningful accomplished on the federal level. 

Some of them may rant and rave.  Some may come bearing what they believe to be witty signs.  Others still have some contrived conspiracy theory that they truly believe is a rational, articulate, policy (and not race)-based argument as to why it's all Obama's fault.

Regardless of what they claim to be arguing, this is all I hear.

I would like to now take this opportunity to thank the great David Cross, whose incisive wit has thus far done a miraculous job at getting me through the winter of bar prep.

An expression in need of a comeback

The cold snap of last night into this morning made me think of an old expression which is in desperate need of a comeback.  It may be blue, it may be folksy, but damnit it is great.  It goes as follows:

It's so cold out you can take a leak and lean on it.

I think most people get the point right away.  Most of us know what happens to water and water-based fluids in extreme cold.  For those who do not know and for those who require greater elaboration that they may envision this scenario, please allow me to paint you a verbal picture.

The imagery implied by the expression is that of a stream of urine traveling downward in an arch-like curvature through air so cold that the liquid is actually frozen mid-stream, thus creating a truly all-natural Golden Arch, the load-bearing capacity of which is sufficient to withstand the weight of the man presently relieving himself.

Bet you never heard anyone describe taking a leak so articulately!

Word of the Day

Today's Word of the Day is:

Beardsicle (n.)

The miniature icicles which form from the condensation of one's breath on one's beard while one is venturing outside on a sub-zero morning

Ex: It was so cold this morning, I had beardsicles just from going to start the car!

Anti-douchebag legislation

Just yesterday, Politico published a story on new, weird state laws going into effect this year.  Many of them involved animals and hunting, but it reminded me of some of the awesome state laws I have come across in my studies.

What I love about these gems of the legislative process is the fact that if I could somehow singlehandedly write into law my own model legislation, the resulting acts would be much the same as these actually-enacted laws.  If I had to attribute a title to this class of glorious edicts, it would be:

The Anti-Douchebags Acts

In Traffic

The first in this category concerns traffic.  

You know when you are on the interstate, and there is construction ahead, and at least several thousand feet ahead you see a sign notifying you that one lane is about to close and that drivers need to start merging?  Of course you do!  But you know when you see that asshole who keeps on driving in the soon-to-be-closed lane, then tries to merge ahead of everyone else right before the construction site, thereby causing even more traffic delays?  

Well, that inconsiderate individual is now subject to a traffic stop and a fine in one state.  That's right!  Now, if a driver refuses to merge when directed by state highway signs, waits until the last second, and thereby causes traffic, he or she can be pulled over and given a ticket, just as if he or she had been speeding.

Now douchebaggery carries with it the penalty of a fine.  Justice at last.

At Home

In the very same state, the annotated code protects good inhabitants from douchebaggery of the pretentious variety. It accomplishes this by giving people who farm on their property a shield from lawsuits initiated by snobs.  This is perhaps best explained via an example.

Imaging you and your family keep chickens or a dairy cow or whatever on your land.  You live way outside of town, so this never bothered anyone, and your family has lived there since your grandpa bought the place 60 years ago.  

Now imagine that someone shows up one day in their luxury convertible with - and I am just guessing here - Connecticut or New Jersey plates.  Don't quite get the image in your head?  Think the neighbors from National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.  They then buy up all the land next to yours, clear all the trees, build a 15 bedroom, 10 bathroom monstrosity at which they will spend 10 weekends per year, and, what the hell, put a pool and tennis court around back.

Imaging further that these cheery new neighbors then sue your family because they think the chickens do not look proper running around your yard and because they do not want to smell that cow when the wind changes direction.  They call it a nuisance.  

Well, too bad for them!  The state basically says that:

1. As long as your little farm is adhering to agricultural practices and environmental regulations

2. You have not done anything to change your practices since they came to town

3. And your family and its animals were there first

Then you have to be left in peace and cannot be sued here.

Ahhh, the poetic justice.  The neighbors say they don't want to smell shit, the state tells them "tough shit"!  You can't make this stuff up.

Anyway, I believe there were one or two more examples that I wanted to share but have since forgotten.   Perhaps I will add them later.  In the meantime, anyone care to venture a guess as to which state passed the two aforementioned acts?

Word of the Day

Today's Word of the Day is:

Fuckwit (n.)

The superlative of nitwit, to be used to refer to an individual for whom nitwit is simply an insufficient term.

Ex: Did you hear about that guy who tattooed the Romney campaign logo on his face? What a fuckwit!