In Memoriam: Winter

In loving memory of Winter (last Ice Age - +/- 2012AD)

I was about to take the trusty hound for our traditional morning jaunt in a few moments and I came to the painful realization that there is nothing traditional about it.  It is December 8, not even three weeks from Christmas, and it is raining outside.  Not snowing; raining.  Rather than sporting a toasty warm coat, hat, and scarf, I will just be throwing on a rain jacket and heading out into the wetness.

None of this may seem like a problem for some, but it is a serious problem.  Everyone has heard of the scientifically-based reasons why climate change is bad, but there are yet more which the scientific community has failed to address.

First is the negative impact upon men.  That's right, men.  Especially those of the northerly variety.  Why?  This was the one goddamn season we got to not be sweating our asses off from the time we wake up until an obligatory lukewarm evening shower.  This was the one time we could go for a walk with the dog and not need change of clothes afterward.  It was the only time of year we knew what it felt like to be dry.  Now it looks like maybe 10 months of no relief.  If it gets to 12 I swear I will be Alaska bound.

The other (and more important) is aesthetics and quality of life.  What?!  Yes.  You know why winter was always better farther north than say, in the Mid Atlantic or southern and coastal parts of Europe?  Because rain is ugly and boring, especially when there are no leaves on the trees.  When there was snow this time of year, it was gorgeous and bright and fun.  When winter is winter, I do not know how anyone could have seasonal depression.  Seriously. It is bright and clear.  You can snowshoe, ski, cross country ski, build a fort (yes, grownups can do that too) and go tobogganing.  More importantly, you can skip out on important life obligations like work and appointments by saying you are "snowed in" and drink heavy beers and dark liquors beside a roaring fire.  Awesomeness!  You know what you can do in the rain?  [this is where crickets would be chirping if they hadn't all been eaten by mutant cockroaches and lizards brought north by the warming climate]

So if you feel like neither of the above applies to your life in anyway, just consider the following.  Cold is what impeded tropical storms, stymied the spread of vector-born pathogens, kept the ice caps intact (and therefore the sea levels down), and otherwise secured the survival of land mammals such as ourselves.  So if you "hate winter" and "just can't stand the cold", enjoy life in your new underwater home, which you can share with your new friends, Lyme Disease and Kudzu.